A slacker's confession

In my class, most of the students are working people. Only a few are not working and in-between jobs. And there's me, the full-time slacker/'si penghabis harta orang tua.' Someone in my class offered a part-time job at her office but so far no news from her yet. The best I can do now is to give my service to my family as needed (or rather as required, according to Islam).

Actually I'm torn between two opinions: one camp is exhorting me to concentrate full time on my studies as I'm not in any financial difficulty and that I should try to graduate as soon as possible, while the other side is querying why I'm not working, serving the nation and contributing to the economy like the rest of the hard-working rakyat.

Yes, I understand all of their concerns, but let's not forget that in post-grad studies it's B and nothing less. Failing to achieve the minimum of 3.0 CPGA upon graduation means you've fail the entire course. Although getting 3.0 is sufficent, I'm hoping to get a better result than the just minimum. Coming from the engineering line as an undergrad, getting an A was quite difficult for me because I'm an uneven performer. Unless you score in all aspects like your quizzes, labs, mid-terms and finals, then A is dalam tangan. But me, usually when I score in some areas, I somehow manage to mess up in the rest. Like if I score in my quizzes and mid-term, I would usually mess up my final or my lab marks. And vice-versa. In this situation, an A (or A- or B+ for that matter) is galaxies away from my reach. And I hope and pray that I will do better in my post-grad.

I know there are others with bigger responsibilities than me who both work and study, but I've stop measuring myself against others years ago. Since then I've understand myself better and I'm less frustrated with myself. In fact, I work harder and rely less on others than before. Alhamdulillah.

As for other people, I salute you for what you are doing. Taking care of your own family while pursuing your studies. They even have specific reason for doing post-grad studies. From the few I've heard from: to get promoted, to switch to the managerial line, to join the government sector and one Mejar in my group took the course in order to get his child to study harder and to become a good role model (his child is now studying law).

Unlike most people, I haven't a clue on why I took the course. I don't know what to expect when I go out to the working world once I finish with this and I don't know what I really want to do. There's so many things to explore and discover, how can I make up my mind?

All I know is that most ustazs say that if we have the chance to study, then study. Study to the highest level that we can manage. That's my reason for doing course actually. To study and to do well, to the best of my capability.

So forgive me, my dear fellow rakyat, for being a liability and not an asset like all of you. I shall pay back all of you someday, but I still don't know when and in what way. Please pray for this slacker so that he could humbly be of your assistance in the near future, insya-Allah. He's a slow learner but he's trying his best.